SOME FAVORITE RECIPES

GORGE TURKEY SANDWICH

The key to this recipe includes starvation
Make sure you won't eat for about as long as you can
Then double it
You are allowed liquids
Copious amounts of liquids
Stay in the sun
Listen to music for three hours
Return to car (after some time trying to find it...time varies)
Recover warm sourdough that has been sitting under a sunlit window (doesn't matter which window)
Extract turkey meat, Havarti cheese and Mayonnaise from cooler full of ice
Assemble sandwich
Use extra mayo
Enjoy with preferred beverage

DUNGENESS CRAB

Buy a crabbing license at your local bait and tackle shop
Take your row boat out about five hundred yards
Maybe more it's a little tricky where that deep shelf is
Put your pot in the water with a turkey leg you purchased at QFC
Let the pot settle for 2 or 3 hours
No more than that
Poachers
Pull up pot returning females and those under 6 inches
Row back to shore
Viciously destroy crab with implement of your choice
A hatchet works very well but can be done with a large rock
Crack in half and remove lungs and guts
(I think it's nice to feed them to the gulls but that's up to you)
Boil in a pot with Bay Seasoning for 15 minutes
Serve with butter and a lemon slice

LOBSTER

Go to Maine
Find Lobsterman Way near Popham Beach
Enter Lobster Shack
(It's rude to giggle when they speak. Try not to do that)
Buy Lobsters!
Go back to your cabin and get the pot boiling
MAKE SURE IT'S BOILING
NO MATTER HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE
MAKE SURE IT'S REALLY REALLY BOILING
Throw them in
If they are still moving they are NOT cooked
Serve with butter and a lemon slice


ITALIAN STYLE MEATBALLS AND MOZZARELLA HOT POCKET

Once again the key to this meal starts with hunger
This meal works best  late at night
The recipe calls to microwave for 2 minutes
Generally 1:49 is best