ADAM

It was Superstar
When we did our first show together
He has energy
Positivity
and a fierce intensity to his dance
There is power
Conviction
He doesn't half ass anything
Anything
We became friends
Did several shows together
Village called with an offer for Billy Elliot
With a condition
"You're going to have to room with someone."
I wasn't keen on that
"It's Adam."
"I'm in."
We became closer
I have so much respect for him
He gives his all
One day in Superstar he split his head open giving his all
Years later
We're sitting in this apartment we share next to the theatre
Having a post Billy drink
When he chuckles and says,
"I might have told you this before but I saw you perform in Vancouver."
"Wait what?"
"Yeah, 1997? Les Mis."
This was a long time ago
A lifetime ago
"Yeah," he says, "I was young and my family made the trip up to BC to see the show.
I remember being upset when I saw your head-shot in the program."
"Why?" I ask laughing
"You were too young!"
I can't quote him exactly on the rest of his story
But the show moved him
I do remember him saying,
"That's when I decided I want to do that! I want to do theatre."
What an honor
If, in any way I contributed to this guy taking the stage
This person devoted to telling a story
Then I think
Well done
Just don't arm wrestle with him at 1am
That won't end as well

STICK SHIFT

It was one of the steeper hills in Lynnwood, WA

quiet

The Russ girls from high-school lived there

Dad decided it was time for me to learn to drive a stick

He pulled over in the middle of the hill

The steepest part

Yanked on the parking brake

Got out of the car

Indicated that I was to get into the drivers' seat

He climbs in the passenger side of the 78 Honda Accord

Nods his head

I'm probably 15 and a half

It's exciting though

I know how to work a clutch
With my hands

Had a dirt bike for a couple years

Hadn't changed gears with my feet though

Heart starts beating

Nerves are there

Pretty sure it was right in front of the Russ girls' home

I imagined they were peeking out the windows

Watching

Put my right foot down on the brake
Press and release the handbrake

Slide the left to the clutch
Shift into first

Switch right to accelerating
relax the clutch
and we're moving 

Press back on the clutch

Shift down to 2
accelerate
and

Up the hill we Go!
After that
I kinda hoped the Russ girls were watching

IT'S HAPPENING

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR
2011
Village Theatre
Playing Pontius Pilate
I'm on stage and think
It's happening
That thing all performers fear
Going up on your lines
Not knowing what comes next
Sometimes, on stage, you can take a pause
Other times the music goes on and there is no respite
No moment to collect your thoughts
Bumped up against it once or twice before
But this time
It was HAPPENING!
Lyrics lost
Setup
Pontius Pilate is conflicted to pass judgment
The music is fast
and Pilate is by himself
Not physically
The entire stage is filled...watching
They can't help
They are all there
But they can't...help
and
IT'S HAPPENING!!!!
I don't know what to say
The music is plays
The moment comes
I DO know my subtext
The WHY
So, I think
I'm Pontius Pilate
In charge of this place I don't want to be
They want to kill this
Religious hippy
Petulant wacko
But do I need to kill him?
That's just too much
Don't want to do it
So I open my mouth
"This man is Jesus!
  He is your leader!
  You mumble mumble mumble want me to KILL him?"
I turn up stage and mumble some more then turn back around and shout
"I REFUSE THIS!!!!!!!!"
and with that THE HAPPENING had Happened
We get back on track
The stage is filled with actors
Biting their cheeks
Dropping their heads
and the show goes on

MADRIGAL WEDDING

UW 1990

In madrigal choir

Two young singers fell in love

Kind of a nice environment for that 

Music

Harmonies

Turns out they wanted a quartet to perform

at their wedding

We were seated up front

Where the choir would sit on Sunday

Dressed all nice

There was a drum set out front

It had a skull and cross bones on it

in a church

That's odd

Shrug my shoulders

I'm just there to sing my madrigal song

We sing it

It's nice

The acoustics in the church are lovely

We sit back down

In front of everyone

"Next, will be a procession performed on the drums by the brother of the groom."

What's that going to be I wonder?

A young man

Decked out in Tuxedo

sits down 

in front of the skull and cross bones

takes a breath

and

Lays out a huge heavy metal drum solo

Bakoom bakoom bakoom BAKOOM

splash splash SPLASH

Diga Diga SLAM

It goes on for a while

then he steps up, lifts his sticks and walks away

SILENCE

I start to feel that feeling

You know the one

Where you know you are not supposed to laugh

but

it wells and you have to laugh

The people in the pews

are stone cold tight lipped

Sitting up front

My shoulders start to shake

I can't hold it back

My shoulders quiver more

I'm sitting tight

next to my quartet

and my shaking

gets them shaking

and I burst out loud

BAHA

That too echoes

We gather ourselves

It was a very nice ceremony

but I think I'd prefer not to sit in front again
Drum solo WAS tight though

SNOWBALL

It was the most fun you could have
There were girls
and video games
and popcorn
and red vines
and music
like I said
It was the most fun you could have
MY favorite video game was Red Baron
or
Maybe Battlezone
Yes
It was definitely Battlezone
Battlezone had a viewfinder you had to look through to control your tank
But more than that
I was mesmerized by the girls
They were like swans on a pond
You had to lace up your boots
and go out there to be near them
You can't imagine their hair
In Lynnwood
It was...ummm majestic
I was intimidated
by these beautiful swirling creatures
So, I worked on my skating skills
Got my wheels under me
Kind of learned to skate
Could go backward a bit
Shoot the Duck was my best trick
But my favorite part of the night
BY FAR
WAS
When all the boys would line up on one side of the rink
and all the girls would line up on the other
and the girls would come out
and choose a boy to skate with
Girls' choice
SNOWBALL
When a girl would reach out and grab my hand
Well, that was an amazing thing
We'd swirl around for a ring or two
They'd blow a whistle
and then off she'd go
It felt like holding hands with a fairy
for just a few brief moments
It felt like magic

McHALE'S

We're sitting in our booth

Waiting for our burgers to arrive

Julia and Catherine recognize the guy sitting in the booth next to us

It's New York

46th and 8th

1997

There is hockey on the tv

The tv is old and dirty
It's dark inside

McHale's
The burgers are huge things

MASSIVE

and they come with delicious Steak fries

"How are these fries so good?" I once asked the bartender

"We fry them twice" he answered

Brilliant

The burgers were off the chain

More food than you could eat

The atmosphere was nostalgic

The seating was outdated

But that made it cool

Cat and Julie spark a conversation with this guy we'd seen in a movie

Next thing you know we are all chatting

Turns out he's a big fan of our show

Couldn't have been more pleasant 

I think a person's character is revealed by how they speak with strangers

Every time I see him in a movie I smile

Cause I'm pretty sure that guy is the real deal

BLOOMFIELD

My next door neighbors to the right were Jim and Rose
An elderly couple
There was a rose bush by their house that Jim planted in 1950
Planted it when they moved in, I was told
It was tall and blossomed a beautiful single flower every year
To the right of Jim and Rose
Lived our mailman Jimmy
A great guy
He had a stutter
But wasn't shy of busting my balls
if I wore socks with flip-flops outside of the house
AND Patty (his wife) who had the loudest voice in the neighborhood
BUT she was friendly as can be
and their son
Jimmy
Who was shy
Quiet
Across the street
Were
James and Kristin
Good people
So yeah
Jim
Jimmy
Jimmy
and James
Were my neighbors
and Rose and Kristin and Patty
and Larry the cool black guy
Seriously he was a super nice with a deep voice
Sometimes we'd hang out
I liked them all
Jim
The elder statesman of the group
grew tomatoes and basil
He was great at it and sometimes I'd come home
to a paper bag tied to my doorknob
With cucumbers, basil and tomatoes
Eventually
Jim passed
Rose lived on
When I would mow my lawn
I would mow the front of her yard as well
and Jimmy the mailman would mow the back
That rose bush on the side of her house
continued to produce a beautiful pink flower
Every year I lived there
I loved this little neighborhood
packed with Jimmys and tomatoes and a Rose and kindness

STAGE RIGHT

We waited together
Stage right
I prefer to prepare for my cue quite early
She did as well
There were a few moments for light conversation
Once I leaned in and whispered
"Just saw Return of the King.Your son was amazing."
"I've heard that," she said
ANNA

Photo credit TheatreMania

INTERJECTIONS!

It was the opening night party
I was feeling awkward
Not unusual
Not so good at opening night parties
"Great job!"
"Wonderful!"
"You looked like you were having fun up there."
These sound nice
Except for the last one
But it usually feels hollow
Compliments can be much harder to accept than one might think
I've been told one should accept a compliment
A simple "Thank you," is my go to response
Sometimes if you KNOW a person is sincere
Like they have a tear in their eyes
It can be moving and uplifting
Encouraging
So this opening night
When a sharply dressed and attractive woman
Said, "That was a really well done show. Congratulations!"
I said, "Thank you."
And looked at her quizzically
"Lynn Ahrens," she said
Holy crap! I thought
She along with Stephen Flaherty had written it
RAGTIME
I thanked her again
She was gracious
Little did I know that she had not only affected my life as a grown man
But she had affected my life as a child
She wrote many of the Schoolhouse Rock songs
I can't say how many hours I spent in front of the TV
Saturdays
Eating Cocoa Puffs
Watching these informative cartoons
Hours
and hours
of Cocoa Puffs and or Lucky Charms
and Schoolhouse Rock
with some Scooby Doo mixed in
I'm glad she took the moment to introduce herself
This woman who had changed my life
from 8
to 36
Even if I didn't know it
WOW!
INTERJECTIONS

ONE SEPTEMBER DAY

In the morning the phone

rings

and rings
and rings
I pull myself out of bed

and amble downstairs
No message
That's odd

Turn on the computer

It slowly fires up

I see an image

and a story

A PLANE HAS STRUCK THE WORLD TRADE CENTER

What the hell?

I turn on the television

wake Chelsea and Ryker (our room-mate)

"Something is going on," I say

At first (the reporters) thought it was a small plane

We were watching CNN live when the second plane struck

It was unreal

It was like watching a movie

but it was real
then

a tower fell

I lived just a few blocks where you could see the New York skyline

I drove up the hill

Found the spot between a few houses in Glen Ridge

It was a beautiful day

Perfect in so many ways

Bright clear skies

Probably 65 degrees

It was so quiet

In New Jersey
and

New York was burning

but for a few birds chirping and a rustle through the leaves it was nearly silent

There was a guy standing next to me

a witness

I pulled out my camera

"There goes the other one," the guy said

It was so peaceful where we stood from 12 miles away

I couldn't wrap my brain around it

I still can't

SOME FAVORITE RECIPES

GORGE TURKEY SANDWICH

The key to this recipe includes starvation
Make sure you won't eat for about as long as you can
Then double it
You are allowed liquids
Copious amounts of liquids
Stay in the sun
Listen to music for three hours
Return to car (after some time trying to find it...time varies)
Recover warm sourdough that has been sitting under a sunlit window (doesn't matter which window)
Extract turkey meat, Havarti cheese and Mayonnaise from cooler full of ice
Assemble sandwich
Use extra mayo
Enjoy with preferred beverage

DUNGENESS CRAB

Buy a crabbing license at your local bait and tackle shop
Take your row boat out about five hundred yards
Maybe more it's a little tricky where that deep shelf is
Put your pot in the water with a turkey leg you purchased at QFC
Let the pot settle for 2 or 3 hours
No more than that
Poachers
Pull up pot returning females and those under 6 inches
Row back to shore
Viciously destroy crab with implement of your choice
A hatchet works very well but can be done with a large rock
Crack in half and remove lungs and guts
(I think it's nice to feed them to the gulls but that's up to you)
Boil in a pot with Bay Seasoning for 15 minutes
Serve with butter and a lemon slice

LOBSTER

Go to Maine
Find Lobsterman Way near Popham Beach
Enter Lobster Shack
(It's rude to giggle when they speak. Try not to do that)
Buy Lobsters!
Go back to your cabin and get the pot boiling
MAKE SURE IT'S BOILING
NO MATTER HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE
MAKE SURE IT'S REALLY REALLY BOILING
Throw them in
If they are still moving they are NOT cooked
Serve with butter and a lemon slice


ITALIAN STYLE MEATBALLS AND MOZZARELLA HOT POCKET

Once again the key to this meal starts with hunger
This meal works best  late at night
The recipe calls to microwave for 2 minutes
Generally 1:49 is best

MAINE

We were in a forest in Maine
It was so beautiful
Lush and green
Thought we might do some bird watching before getting
to Popham Beach
Drove 8 or 9 hours to get there
The air smelled so fresh
We exit the car and head into the woods looking for birds
I see a cloud coming through the trees
"What's that?" I ask pointing
The cloud grows
"Run," says Randy
We bolt back to the car as a swarm of mosquitoes envelope the vehicle
Never seen anything like it
Popham beach was really lovely though
Just
Stay out of them woods

8th GRADE DANCE

It was the 8th grade dance
End of the year
Next year we were headed to Lynnwood High
To be freshman
But THIS was the 8th grade dance
Let me spin it back for you
1982
I have my date
She's pretty
She's nice
She's smart
Michelle
The corsage moment is totally awkward

But the dance is fun
There's this one moment when I try the knee slide on the dance floor
You know the knee slide move
Well, turns out that doesn't work well with polyester slacks
Burnt my knees
Left two holes in my fancy dance pants
But still
I'm feeling good
Confident
It's time to make my move
and ask Michelle to "Go with me."
Yeah, "Go with me."
That's how you asked a girl to be your girlfriend back in the day
"Will you go with me?"
I don't know why
I didn't make up the rules
She said, "yes"
I was elated
Then she excused herself to the restroom
I had a girlfriend!
who was
pretty
and
nice
and smart
Then she came out of the bathroom and broke up with me
Shortest relationship ever

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

We were playing THE PRODUCERS
Actually, it was more like The St. James crew
They were the best team in the league
Broadway Show League
There was a Dad and his two sons
A bunch of crew guys
and Cady Huffman
They could play
They could really play
We were a new team
1st year in the league
But we were alright
I managed
which was both a joy
and
not a joy
Our team was mostly composed of performers
so
egos
But we were good
Made it to the championship game
VS  The returning champs
It was hot and humid
New York City summer kind of hot
I didn't like THE PRODUCERS
It wasn't rational I just didn't
They played fair
They were good
still
I didn't like them
Late in the game
It's tight
It's HOT
Like bend over and pour water on your head kind of hot

Pictured: Matt Allen

I get up to bat
Get a hold of one
and it's on
There were no fences in the Broadway Show League
If those guys had arms and wheels they could throw you out
They had both
I ran
Coming around third my leg buckles
I tear something in my knee
but score and we take the lead
Ultimately, we lose the game
Still though
One of the greatest moments of my life
By the way
Didn't miss a show
But
Walked funny for about 6 months

BOSTON

It was cool and dark underneath
I had to duck to get out of the dugout and onto the field
The doorway was small
Well, there wasn't a door
Just a rectangle
with light streaming in
It was kind of like emerging from a cave
To Fenway
I'd been asked to sing The National Anthem
Honored and thrilled
I said, "Yes"
The PR staff were amazing
When I told them my nephew was a Red Sox fan
They hooked me up with all sorts of swag
In rehearsal the sound guy asked me,
"Do you want to pre-record and lip sync?"
"What? No!"
"Most do. There is a significant delay from the speakers in the outfield."
"I want to sing it live."
"Okay, well I suggest you keep time by tapping your foot or something and try not to listen to the speakers. Just sing."
Now I'm a little bit scared
Then I get a lot of bit scared
It's the National Anthem
In Boston
I've sung it many many times among the crowd
To sing it in front of a crowd not a part of the crowd is a little bit different
For me it all comes down to two words
Fight
and
Night
They are interchangeable
Either way the story still works
But you better get it right in Boston
I am patriotic
although I loathe The Patriots
There is no teleprompter
I'm facing away from the words on the screen
and sing
The delay is very difficult
I get the words correct
The pace is a little slow
But I get through it
Sound alright
The experience is incredible
But kind of like skydiving
Once is enough

VILLAGE

"You crawl that way," Bob said pointing to a hole in the wall
"Oh God something chewed up my costume," someone exclaims
"Damn rats!"
I climb through the hole with saxophone in hand to accompany Cornet Man from Funny Girl
Once I get through the hole to the band in the pit I'm greeted with smiles
They're good
Really good
They also look like Muppets
Living underground in this dank dark space
And I love it

VILLAGE THEATRE

My first audition
I was scared
Intimidated
Everyone else knew each other and hugs were a plenty
I sat in the corner
I'd spent months listening to the sound track
Making part after part
at Component Products Corporation
My Dad's aerospace machine shop
Part after part
But I had a discman
and the CD to the Australian recording of Jesus Christ Superstar
So I listened
and listened
and made part after part
and listened
and then I saw an audition advertisement in the paper
Village Theatre
Seeking: Jesus
Well,
I spent hours and hours pulling that lathe in the shop
and singing the music in my head
When it was my time I let it out
After the audition
Steve pulls me aside

Steve: So Steitzer wants you to play Mr. Snow. Do you want to play Mr. Snow or Jesus?
Me: Jesus
Steve: Well Jesus didn't look like a farm boy, you're going to be in a loincloth on a cross for Christ's sake
I lost 30 pounds to play that role

Then there was Hearbeats and Funny Girl
and then
Like a dandelion blown into the wind
I was off
and floating around the country

A funny Hearbeats story
We were in previews
at the original space on Front Street
You probably don't know that show
Probably
It was written by Amanda Mcbroom
She wrote the song
The Rose
It's in the show
You do know that song
Probably
The opening number has us hitting our marks
and
standing in our spots singing
Thing is
This day
is molting/mating season for termites
Most people don't know that termites can fly
They can
For like a day
Then they lose their wings and start chomping on wood
Well this was termite day!
And we were on stage
Termites like the warm light
Like it a lot
So as we stood there on and in our spots
The termites were drawn to us
Singing
They flitted around our heads
Landed on us
Crawled across our bodies
Till Judy cried out,
"I can't take it!"
And ran off the stage
Crew came on the stage with spray cans
Steve took the stage
"We're still working out the bugs"

After 15 years I came back
My first show was
   
JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR
This time as Pontius Pilate
It's a pretty cool thing to play a role
and then years later see it from a different angle
and though the theater was now bigger and newer with less bugs and rats
It was the same family
It was home
Issaquah, Wa
I don't know how you got so lucky to be home to one of
the best theaters in the country
Well
Actually I do
Rob and Steve
and the whole cast of characters that make Village a family
The crew
and
a band of  Muppets

BILLY ELLIOT

Every show I started
Stage Left!
With Kate Takata!
and Brian and Quinn
Brian and Quinn shared the role of Michael
a tap dancing
cross dressing
fabulous character
They were so good
and such nice engaging young men
I loved doing this show
Belting
WE WALK PROUDLY AND WE WALK STRONG
ALL TOGETHER WE WILL GO AS ONE
The moment that sticks with me the most though
was the final show for each of these young men
"See ya  Billy'" says Michael
I watched from the wings
The emotion was visceral
They both knew it was goodbye and they said it on stage
It ended the show
It was powerful
Here they are saying goodbye to their friend
At the same time saying goodbye to their youth
Both of them brought me to tears


NEWSIES

Those boys
check that
Those men
They were so dedicated
and delivered every day
There is something magic
about seeing a group of people give their all
Their All
Every Damn Day


LES MISERABLES
I really don't know what to say
I just feel blessed to have played
Jean Valjean
at my favorite theater in the world
thanks
VILLAGE

Clear Lake Ballet and Repertory Company

2003
New York
I'm the Stand-by for Bud and Wes in Urban Cowboy
Stand-by means I'm not in the ensemble but I'm there if either two leads go down
It's kind of a stressful job
Sitting on the bench
Always ready to go in
But not quite fully prepared
Oh, you are prepared
But doing it is different than watching it
practicing it in the bathroom mirror
But this isn't a story about Urban Cowboy
Those will come
This is a story about the time it was closing
and I got a job offer
To play Curly in Oklahoma
in Houston
at
Clear Lake Ballet and Repertory Company
I told my agent, "no"
"They are willing to pay what you are making now"
"On Broadway"
"Three weeks rehearsal and ummm two shows"
That changed my mind
2003
Houston
I've played Curly before
Twice
I had no clue who Clear Lake Ballet was but I'm in
Oh, I am in
When I get there I find they are a great group
It's a pretty large space where youth learn ballet
It's well run
It's clear the producer and director wants to put on a spectacle
This is going to be a big production
The dancers are amazing
Young
But clearly well taught
Rehearsals go well
We had three weeks to get things right
Opening night the director comes up to Ali Hakeem
"I got your monkey!!!"
"What?"
"I got your monkey!"
She wanted lots of animals incorporated into the show
Dogs walking by
A chicken here or there
There was a horse
But
There had never been mention of a monkey
To my surprise Jaime took it in stride
"let me meet him....well hello little fellow"
"AAAAaaaa" screamed the monkey and hit him in the face

It was scary
He went on with that monkey that night
With no rehearsal
You sir
are
a
Pro

HAVE YOU EVER?

Bloomfield, NJ
It's a beautiful summer day
I fire up the grill
I'd purchased seasoned wood from Home Depot
It takes a while
It starts to rain so I pull the grill to the edge of the open garage
We stand there talking
Randy and I
My attention is on the grill
"Have you ever?" says Randy
Pointing to my feet
There is a Morning Dove nearly on my foot
Look, I know Rock Doves (Pigeons) aren't afraid of people
But Morning Doves are skittish
I play it off
"Yeah birds dig me
and
I love birds
Except for Crows
Damn crows!"

NOTE TO SELF

We were in rehearsal at 42nd street studios
It was arduous and joyous
We were trying to block an intricate scene
An idea was proposed
I thought, well that won't work
The AD Tara looked at me
"I can see by the look on Mr. Stone's face he doesn't think this will work."
I was stunned
I had no idea I had a look on my face
"We will try it nevertheless."
We tried it
It didn't work
"Well, apparently Mr. Stone was correct."
Note to self
Keep your face in check

POP THE TRUNK

We were leaving Golden Gardens again
It was a quiet gray night
On a slim path back to the parking lot
We encountered a pack of teens carrying a keg
They were wearing green Letterman's jackets
Football players
We're minding our own business but
They put down the keg
Give a shove and a poke
Deride us
Challenge us to a fight
I figure I can take 2 maybe 3
Same for Erock
But there are 7 of them
2 of us
That doesn't add up right
So we take the bullying
Manage to make it past them and go on our way
When we get to the parking lot there are only 2 cars
Mine an 85 Red and Black Mustang with T-tops
and
A muscle car with green bumper stickers
The hood was warm
"You still got that bat in the trunk?" Erock asked
"Always," I said
"Pop the trunk."
"Start the car."

PRIZE

I'm lying in (not on) my water bed trying to sleep when the phone rings
I struggle to get to the phone
"Is this Mr. Stone?"
"Ummm yes."
Congratulations Mr. Stone you have won a free portrait sitting."
I sit up
I won a prize
Then I fall over
It's a water bed remember
Here is the thing
I was 17
I literally thought I won a free portrait sitting
I call my best friend
"We are getting our picture taken.
Dress up.
We're going to the Alderwood Mall."
There is this whole photo shoot
It takes time
It costs money
A week later they call and say,
"Come in for your free picture."
Then they spend an hour trying to sell me all these photos at prices I couldn't pay
I was making $3.25 an hour at Mc'donalds
I really thought I had won a prize
Sometimes I feel bad about it
But I did get my prize

REVIEW

Ft. Worth
I'm sitting at the bar The Flying Saucer
It's right across from the theater
Having a beer
by myself
A man saddles up a couple chairs away
We sit there and sip
He looks over at me and says, "You were in that show."
Nodding toward Bass Performance Hall
"Yeah."
There is a pause
"It's the first thing I've ever watched about Vietnam since I was there."
Silence
I don't know what to say
Thanks for your service feels...out of place
The moment lingers
"I was there that day," he says
"Helicopter pilot."
I can see in his eyes he's telling the truth
There is hurt there
"Oh," I say
Another pause
"You got it right."
He takes a sip
"You got it right."
Best
Review
Ever

1st DATE

Dallas, TX 1999
I rang the doorbell to her house
Chablis (their dog barked and barked)
Her Mom opened the door
She looked me up and down
"She's running late, have a seat."
The house was nice
The furniture perfect
There were lots of pillows
Lots
Of pillows
When Chelsea came down the stairs
It was like a prom moment
Red top
Black Skirt
She was gorgeous
We got into her Mitsubishi Eclipse
"I'm starving, we're going to Wendy's," she said
She got chicken nuggets
We went to Deep Elum
 It was busy
There was one place to park but it was tight between two cars
She was having trouble
I offered to parallel park
Got it done
There are a lot of bars down there
So we bounced around
Found ourselves on a rooftop
Had our first kiss
In Deep Elum
Walking back to the car
Wearing fancy heels
I could tell she was a bit distressed
The shoes were cutting into her feet
"Jump on my back, I got you."
We laughed as I carried her piggy-back to the car
That's a good first date
And Chels
I still got you

LESSON

There was a notice in the Seattle Times
AUDITION
Miss Saigon
I did well
Got called back
Got a dance call
Well
That didn't go well
"You need to take some dance classes," I was told
They were right
I took a dance class
1
I got a callback in Los Angeles
I didn't know if I should go or not
That's a pricey proposition
I went
Vocal audition went very well
Made it to dance call
In the dance call I was huffing and puffing
But I got through all my steps
I thought I was good
When I was done with my segment I sat against the wall
Slumped down
Head in hands
Bob walks over to me and says, "You're being watched every moment you are in this room."
I'm sweating
Sitting on the floor
Trying to catch my breath
That is probably some of the most sage advice I've ever received

You are always on display
Always

I didn't get the job
Not surprising
But I was taught a lesson

Oh, I did get the job a couple years later
Lesson learned

MERIDIAN

We were decked out
Headed out for a night on the ave
Rich Sasai and I
Lock Stock and Bagel was the bar
Some dudes from Sig Eps on the other side of 17th start shouting at us
"Fucking faggots meet us in the meridian."
I didn't much care for that language
So, I walked into the meridian and Rich followed
I'm not afraid of a fight
It's not the best way to start a night
We were dressed to meet the ladies
Rocking the Polo's with the flipped collars
They come out all bad ass and throwing up their arms
Then they bring out their champion
In the meridian
He's huge
Gargantuan
Shit, I think
But I stand my ground
I realize, though
He's a football player
He probably has to be careful about altercations
We go chin to chin
Well more like chin to sternum
"Swing," I said
"Go ahead"
"Swing"
This dude could have crushed me
If he hit me
I don't think he could have but he's backed up by 6 guys and it's just me and Rich
Stepping out for a night on the town
He's clearly an offensive line man so he's smart enough to recognize the situation
Offensive lineman are smarter than people give them credit
This could hurt his career
He backs down
I still think I could have taken him though

BROTHER

We were just kids when we became friends
Kids
I'd ride my bike over to his house
It was a serious journey
But when I got there Betty Sue had some sweet snacks
Eric would fire up the TRS-80
and we'd play video games
or Dungeons and Dragons with Scott and Russ
or other days we'd play football on the lawn at the Lynnwood Library
Other nights we'd watch Stripes or The Thing
I think those were the only movies we had on VHS

He became my brother
Like no other
We talked on the phone
The kind with the spiral cord
for hours
often

We were playing basketball
At night once
and these chunks of rock
Start flying onto the court
So Eric, Mark Rodriguez and I wander into the blackberry bushes
and find
a full on Ninja
Decked out head to toe
He whips out his nun-chucks and displays his talent
It scared the shit out of me
Eric says, "Yeah, you better know how to use them. Cause when I take them away from you you're going to pay."
The Ninja ran away

There was one time I tried to buy beer at this store we knew was shady
I was 18
I failed
The proprietor laughed
I came back empty handed
Eric, 16 went into the store and came back arms full

I was at a "young life" (Christian camp) party eating ice cream out of a Styrofoam cup
When he and some other friends came bursting around the corner with water balloons
I turned and ran and threw my ice cream cup over my shoulder
It full on hit him in the chest
Ice cream bomb
He launched his water bomb
It hit me
Square
and bounced off
I laughed and ran
He tackled me
Broke my collar bone
Maybe the most painful thing I've ever felt
I let out a series of expletives never heard at a Young Life event before or after

We went to college together
After I finished community college we both entered UW
Threw some of the most epic dorm parties
That's not hyperbole
We had a sweet sound system
REM
"It's the end of the world"
The Soundtrack to Platoon
Prince
Erasure
The RA would come by with a look on his face like, "Are you kidding me?"
"Respect." I'd put on

We started a fraternity
I had to recruit him though
He wasn't keen on the idea at first
We became brothers for a second time

There was this one time when this sorority was complaining about the tree in front of their house
So we
REDACTED

The Betas had this couch outside on a bulkhead above the sidewalk
They would insult people walking by
Flick bottle caps at people
Cat call girls
So one night we
REDACTED

He taught me how to play football
Aggressively
That's how you win
We won the Greek championship
With just a handful of guys

One time we got into a bar fight
when the guys from Chicago failed
to live up to their pool bet to shout "Scottie Pippen sucks..."
REDACTED

Another time he asked me to sing
"Danny Boy" at an Irish bar in Seattle when the singer vacated the stage
"Alright," I said
I got on stage
The mic was still hot
I started to sing
They cut off the mic
I kept singing cause I'm Greg Stone and I don't need a mic
The bouncer came over
I stopped
Thought about finishing
But are you going to fight over singing Danny Boy?
Nah

I went off to work on tour
for years
Moved to New York
for years
We'd see each other rarely
Us brothers
But it's always the same when we do
Every time
Just
With less Ninjas and REDACTED moments

EDGE OF A LEDGE

It was my first performance on tour with Les Miserables
I couldn't have been more thrilled
I signed in and got ready for the show
But
I didn't read the call sheet correctly
There was a 5 minute fight call
Before half hour
(in parenthesis)
I missed it
First day
I didn't know though
Got through the show
Excited 

I exited stage right
and was handed an envelope
"Thank you!" I said

The ASM laughed
I'd been written up
1st day!
I missed that fight call
Being written up is a big deal
A letter goes to Equity
A letter goes to your agent
It's not good
A couple weeks later
I got written up again
For being 30 seconds late
No joke
30 seconds
Late is late
This is truth
I learned this lesson
Learned to be early!
Not on time
EARLY
It's best anyway
Gives one time to chill

My Stage Manager is actually a nice guy
Hard ass but nice
Also really helpful teaching me Valjean
So when he invites me to visit
The Grand Canyon
with him and Kelly
I said, "Yes!"
Never been to the Grand Canyon

Kelly was ill and had to wear gloves
Which I didn't understand
He was allergic to sunlight?
Of course there were vampire jokes
He was kind
Gentle
Not a vampire
He was a sweet man
A friend

We got to the cabin after dark
It was deep in the park
You couldn't see much of anything but stars
We settle in and head into the black night
We sit on the edge of a ledge and pass a bottle of Maker's Mark around
The sage
The foliage
Smells so good
It's nice
We found a special place
"It's THE GRAND CANYON!!!!" I shout
Couldn't see anything
It's a fun night
Sharing stories

When I wake in the morning and stumble out to our spot
I SEE the grand canyon
It's
Indescribable!
My knees buckle
There is a 500 or 1000 foot drop from where we were sitting passing a bottle
in the dark
Sitting on the edge

By the way
I don't recommend taking a Cessna flying tour of The Grand Canyon the morning after drinking whisky

WALKOFF

"Hey let's go to a baseball game," said my buddy Enrique

"Okay," I say

"The Yankees are playing the Rangers. Can you root for the Rangers?"

"Against the Yankees? Yeah."

So we go

It's an ordeal

I take the bus to New York

Get on the train to the Bronx

It takes time

But you know after the travel I'm sitting with my friend

Watching baseball in Yankee Stadium

It's pretty cool even though I'm sort of rooting for the other team

The Texas Rangers jump out to a huge lead

It was 9-0 in the second inning

The game is taking a long time

Then The Bronx Bombers start coming back

Me?

I was getting tired

I knew I had like a 3 hour commute to get home

But you can't leave a game like this

Not till it's over

It's 13 to 12 in the bottom of the 9th

When Jorge Posada

Gets to bat with a runner on first

I turn to Ricky and say, "We gotta bolt when this game is over"

Catching those trains when the stadium is packed is not fun

When I heard the crack of the bat I grabbed Enrique by the collar

"It's over," I shouted

I can say

I have witnessed the greatest comeback in Yankee history

Wish I was a fan

NY TIMES

WHISTLE

6:05 PM
Rehearsal should be over
The cast was called at 10 AM
It's a strict start time
You can NOT be late
I learned this lesson the hard way years ago
Actor's Equity union has firm rules
At first as a young actor I balked at some of these
But over time I learned their importance
and found comfort in knowing exactly what the boundaries were
6 PM hit and rehearsal kept going
This is where stage management normally calls end of day and interrupts the director
The problem was
The director was also the producer and a very wealthy and powerful man
He had a football (soccer) team
Everton
I liked him
For the most part he was congenial
I mean, he hired me
Paid me well
Not as well as his soccer team
But still, he cared about the show
He was an Englishman and might not have been aware of our rules
My blood sugar was low
I was hangry
A few of the lead performers were called at 9:30am
They were in overtime
Now sometimes a rehearsal runs over just a little bit
And some theaters don't mind if you are a few minutes late
But that's not how I was taught the business
If you were late by 30 seconds you're late
Period.
Conversely rehearsal ended at 6pm
These are hard and fast rules
Some muttering begins among stage management
But nothing is said
6:07
6:09
6:10
The muttering increases but no one has the nerve to speak up
Bill notices the commotion, throws up his arms and exclaims, "What's the problem here?"
And then I respond
It just comes out of me
"THE PROBLEM IS you have a 16 year old lead who should have been cut more than half an hour ago and the rest of us were called till 6!"
Silence
The air leaves the room
"We're marking the overtime everyone," says a stage manager
Mr. Kenwright pauses for a moment
Composes himself and says,
"Alright young lady you are released."
He gives a few brief notes to the cast
and then he says, "You are all released except for the Snake Preacher"
That's me
"We're going to work Wrestle With The Devil."
It's a brutal song
One of the hardest I've ever had to learn
At the end of the day to work on something so complicated
Well, it's diminished returns
But I walk over to the piano as the room empties
The pianist/music directors eyes are like saucers
As I approach he says, "Are you okay?"
"No," I say "this feels like retribution"
From over my shoulder in stern British accent I hear,
"NO it isn't and that's the second stupid thing you've said today!"
He was right behind me
Then he counts off the piano and I'm singing
I was sure I was going to get fired
But the next day
When I sheepishly walked into rehearsal
He gave me a smile and a big hug
I was shocked
He treated me with much respect after that
I think he appreciated someone standing up and giving him the truth
Plus he realized I actually saved him a butt load of money
The cast tried to make me Equity Deputy
I declined
"My work is done here," I said

ATLANTA

It's the day of my first performance in Miss Saigon
I've had about a week to learn Chris
I've great coaches and everything is on point
But, you know, I'm nervous
So, I decide to go to the YMCA
Work it out
There is a basketball game going on in the gym
It's a pick-up game
I've played pick-up for many years at many different locations
This is 5 on 5
Full court
That's a workout
Winning team stays on the court for the next game
Losing team is off the court and reassembled with the guys on the side waiting to play
I waited to play till it was my turn
The game is good
The guys are good
and it's helping me to release tension
I'm having fun playing ball with these men I don't know
Then I come down
from a rebound
and step on a foot
My ankle pops
It's bad
Someone runs over grabs my high tops and pulls the laces TIGHT
"You need to keep this elevated and on ice right away."
These men I didn't know were helpful and kind
Let's remember
This is opening night for me in Miss Saigon
The producer who hired me had flown to Atlanta
My ankle was swollen and really messed up
"You can't not do the show," someone said at the theater
Luckily, Chris wears big tall Marine boots
I laced them tight
Did the show
I'm no Marine
Not even close
But that day I played one on stage

STANWOOD

I was exiting the QFC out of the side door (which I prefer cause less people use it.)
My hands were full.
Groceries in the left arm and a case of beer in my right hand.
There was an elderly woman.
Struggling to make it up the slight ramp.
I put my stuff on the ground.
"Would you like an arm?" I asked.
"It's just this slope," she said.
She took my arm and I walked her up to the flat ground and a cart.
"I'm good here " she said and thanked me.
It was nice.
As I made my way back to where I left my groceries there was another old lady eyeing my case of beer sitting on the ground.
"I was about to take that!" She said with a cackle.
I think it was a joke.
I think.
STANWOOD.

Aurora

Golden Gardens
It's a beach in Seattle with actual sand.
We'd head down there at night.
Build a fire.
Drink a few Henry Weinhard's.
It was fun.
Squishing your toes in the sand.
Looking into the amber fire light.
Chatting.
One night it was just me and Dan.
No one else on the beach.
It was dark and cool.
We had a nice little fire going when the sky changed.
There was a weird shimmer to it.
Colors you don't see at night.
"Do you see that?" Dan asked.
I did.
The sky lit up.
Rippling.
Pastels like waves.
I was confused.
But I did see it.
"It's the Northern Lights."
One of the coolest things I've ever seen.
Aurora Borealis.
It was magic.
Two dudes warming themselves by the fire.
Drinking a beer.
Watching the night paint the sky.
Magic

MARINERS

I started watching baseball as a little kid
They showed games on TV after cartoons
They mostly showed the best team in baseball
The Cincinnati Reds
I started to root for that team
Then I grew to love them
Johnny Bench
Pete Rose
Joe Morgan
Griffey
The Big Red Machine
Amazing!
Then in 1977 WE got a team!
The Seattle Mariners!
I learned the line-up
Billy and I could quote them back and forth
(Fun fact, Danny Kaye was one of the original owners of the M's)
Danny Kaye!
You don't know him?
Well, if I wasn't watching baseball, I was watching him
Thumbelina
White Christmas
The Court Jester
He's hilarious!
So, back to baseball
I grew to love my team
They weren't good
But they were my team from MY town
In the mid 90's we got good
Griffey...Jr.
Randy
Edgar
with Lou at the helm
It was fun
So
much fun
Then the M's hit their stride
In 2001 we finished with the best season ever in baseball history
116 wins!
and lost to the Yankees in the playoffs
You're bound to think this is strange
But I cheered and cried when we lost
I cheered when my beloved team didn't go to the World Series
How is that?
I was in New York, at Blondies on the upper west side
One of my favorite places for wings and beer
With friends
I'm the only guy wearing a Mariners hat in the bar
I got a little bit a business from a few guys but it's not bad
I'm rooting for my team but when we lose
I cheer
How could I possibly cheer?
Why would I cry and sing "New York, New York." with love in my heart?!
Because
It was just after 9/11
New York was hurting...badly
and in that moment
in that bar
New York felt relief and joy
It was palpable
and I was happy
Sometimes things are bigger than sports
So I'm always going to root for my Charlie Brown team
Someday we'll get there
I love them
But for one moment I can weep and cheer for another side

SUNSET BOWL

Down in Ballard there was a bowling alley called, SUNSET BOWL.

My buddies Eric and Dan lived a couple blocks away.

We'd go there once in a while.

It was fun.

We'd pile into the 62 Cadillace we bought together and go the three or four blocks to the alley.

We didn't have much money so we'd only play a couple games.

Sometimes to up the stakes we'd make a bet.

Loser has to run around yelling, "I'm a loser!"

That sort of juvenile thing.

This night we bet that the person that has the lowest score has to run home in only his underwear.

It's a hilarious proposition and we all agree.

Late in the game I'm not winning but I'm way ahead of Scott.

Scott is doomed for the underwear run.

I'm bowling a decent game.

But I get cocky.

The Raineer beer has really kicked in so I start bowling.

Between my legs.

Backwards even.

Laughing all the while.

I throw one in the gutter and finish my game.

Scott comes up.

10th frame.

He needs three strikes in a row.

I'm not sure if he hit a strike the entire game.

STRIKE

STRIKE

STRIKE

and I'm in last place.

I couldn't believe it.

But you know I'm not gonna mooch on a bet.

So, I strip down to my tighty whiteys and start running back to the house.

I didn't think it was going to be a big deal.

It was dark.

About 4 blocks away.

But the guys jump into the Caddy hit the high beams behind me and start honking the horn.

Porch-lights start popping on as I sprint in my Fruit of the Looms.

So embarrassing.

Also funny and a lesson.

The game aint over till the game over.

LUMBERJACK

We fell a bunch of trees on our property and Dad cut them up with his chainsaw.
It was a mountain of wood.
He offered to pay me to chop it.
$5 an hour.
Deal.
But it was hard work.
I had one really big log cut from the base of a tree that I used as my chopping block.
I'd place a smaller log on it
Step back
and
Crack
Crack
till it split.
Took me some time but I got pretty good at it.
If you don't hit the wood center the ax glances off.
That's a danger.
If you don't swing hard enough it's a waste of time.
So there's a balance.
Between danger and success.
Splitting a piece of wood is a wonderful feeling.
When done right it feels like a base hit
or a Home Run.
So I'd put my Men At Work tape on my boombox
and go to work.
I liked it.
It was visceral.
Tangible.
You can see the wood falling into pieces at your feet
and building into piles.
It was exhausting
and I loved it.
(Except f*ing Cherry.
Don't waste your time chopping Cherry.
It's nearly impossible.
The bark has a band around it.
I could hack my way through Alder and Cedar.
But Cherry is a waste of energy.
Just saw your Cherry up small and add it to the fire.)
Rant over...
I learned how to swing a splitting maul.
That can be a little dicey.
You jam the big metal wedge into a gap you've made.
Turn the heavy ax over to the pounding side and try to make direct contact.
It can be quite satisfying when you hit it square and the wedge digs in deeper.
Hit it again and that giant log splits in two.
It can be scary as heck when you just miss and your maul comes flying toward your leg.
Loved the work though.
It was challenging.
Made me stronger.
And I could see the piles build up.
As a young man it was a visual example of the progress being made by hard work.
One of those things where you could look at it and say,
"I did that."
Course then I had to stack it.
That wasn't as much fun.

12

I was on a fishing boat chartered out of Long Beach, WA.
12 years old.
I'm the only kid on the boat.
We head out into the choppy Pacific.
The sky was gray and rain pelted down.
The waves were pretty big but I thought it was fun.
Splashing through the water.
It was like the Log Ride and Knott's Berry Farms.
Except for, you know, it wasn't over in two minutes.
We were land lubbers so we all got green.
But still we set out the lines.
The rain picked up.
Though feeling sick I was still excited.
Never had been deep sea fishing before.
After a while I realize I'm the only person still out, fishing.
Everyone else was sick.
Inside the cabin.
Well, I was sick too, puking over the side of the boat, but I wasn't going to stop.
Caught a really nice Sea Bass.
Told myself I brought it to the surface with my personal chum.
I want to keep fishing.
Then I notice the rain change.
The sky gets darker.
The sea is still rolling but something is different.
Ominous.
The rain starts to burn my eyes.
The captain comes over the com.
"Sorry folks we are going to have to turn back."
No one is upset by this news but me.
"Mt. St. Helen's blew up again. We're in an ash storm."
COOL, I thought!
I mean.
I was 12.

STAR STRUCK

It was an after-after party in New York.
Don't remember how I got invited.
It was a small gathering and we were celebrating a birthday.
It was my teen-age hero.
Watched all his stuff.
Loved it.
I don't really get star struck.
I guess a few composers have had me in awe.
What they create is incredible.
But actors.
Not often.
But
This guy is who I wanted to be growing up.
He was funny.
He could act.
He was handsome.
And this was his birthday party.
And he was sitting right there on the couch.
By himself, while others chatted and laughed and drank.
So I took a big swig and steeled myself to go talk to him.
I approach him.
"Happy birthday," I say.
And then my by brain freezes.
I admire your work.
You've been an influence in my life.
I think I've seen everything you've done.
What was it like working with Neil Simon?
Any of those would have been okay.
Nope.
I blurt out,  "I really liked Ferris Bueller's Day Off!"
THAT IS WHAT I SAID.
"Thank you," he said politely.
I shuffled off and left him there on the couch.

Perspective

Port Townsend
I had sweet housing.
It was a garden house with a stained glass window.
There was a track a couple blocks away and I would run there.
At the junior high.
They had a sign that basically said, "Don't run here when kids are here."
So, when I saw kids on the track one day I went another way.
"I'll just run through the neighborhood."
As I start out I see an arrow painted on the street.
Right by my place.
Pointing to a path I hadn't seen before.
Alright.
I guess I'll follow the arrow.
Then there was another.
Pointing through the woods.
I followed.
It was magnificent.
Another arrow painted on the ground pointed to another path
and I came upon Fort Worden Park.
It was magical!
I ran down to the beach and around it
and back up.
Apparently I'd come across a race course.
It was so beautiful.
Maybe the best run of my life.
I know it's important to keep your head up.
But sometimes you've got to see the arrows in the ground at your feet.

C FLAT

I had a small solo in Hunchback of Notre Dame at the beginning of the show.
There was one note I just couldn't get right.
It was strange cause I've sang barbershop and many tight difficult harmonies.
I just couldn't get this one.
It was so foreign to my brain.
The words were also a little tricky.
"Righteous Claude Frollo was ever more DRAWN like a son to Notre Dame."
Seems easy enough.
Wasn't.
I felt that the word drawn wasn't quite right.
I asked for a rehearsal recording to practice.
I think there's a chance.
Maybe just a chance the recording wasn't right.
It happens.
I was struggling with that one note.
So I went to my pitch pipe and the score.
And drilled it into my head.
Over and over again.
And over again.
Till it was strong.
A solid C.
Right on pitch.
Discordant but a C!
The music director pulls me aside one day,
"You're missing that note."
"Really?" I say. "I've practiced that as hard as anything."
We look at the score and I see it's a C flat.
Not a C
It's a B
Why would someone do that?
I've been involved in music most of my life.
I'm no composer or theoretician.
I don't understand why someone would write C flat when they could
Just write B
But now my brain has been programmed.
That's a mind F.
I retrain myself and it sounds WAY better!
Guess I should have paid more attention to that key signature.
Composers can be cruel.

SPANISH HARLEM

110th and Manhattan Ave, NY NY
I was subletting
From and English teacher friend of Laura's
It was the projects
Front door was broken and unlocked
Empty 40's sat on the stairway up the 4 floors to my room
Where the bed was on the floor
But it was my place
for that short time
while I tried to secure a job in theater
It's what I could afford
Barely
Actually I couldn't afford it but it's what I got
I was out of place
A young man from Lynnwood, WA
In Spanish Harlem
By myself
wasn't really sure how it was going to work out
Let's just say it was out of the realm of my comfort

Once early on living there I came home LATE at night
Might have been after 2am
There were a throng of young Latino men in the street
In front of the building
With baseball bats
Eyeing me as I approached
Puerto Rican
or Dominican
I don't know for sure
But they were intimidating
White baggy T-shirts
Playing street ball
at 2am
Under the sodium lights
I'm the odd-ball
In their neighborhood
approaching their home
But it's where I live too
At least for that month
The game stops
I take a deep breath as I approach
Try to steel my nerves
and enter the open door
Pass the 40's and go back to my room
After a week goes by
They recognize me
and give me a wave when I come home
To their home
Never gave me trouble once
In fact
After a few weeks
I felt protected
By those guys with bats
Outside their building

WHY

When you ask why?
I understand your confusion
From the start I've been laughed at, mocked
My new school
OAK HEIGHTS ELEMENTARY
The talent show
Singing "Can't Smile Without You."
By Barry Manilow
I practiced A capella
But performed accompanied
In a key I could not sing
In front of all my peers
Eleven years old
I run off the stage
Crying, refusing to return to class

But only one year later
Under harsh florescent lights
of the Alderwood Mall
There, I Amahl
hobble on the small carpeted stage
A crippled shepherd boy
My soccer team (The Vikings) in front on fold-able brown metal chairs
make faces while I sing and clump along

And these
just the seeds of my desire
Not yet firmly rooted

On stage I have
Slipped, tripped and fallen several times
Bit lip, cheek tongue
stubbed toes
Let go a monstrous fart in Timmy Howar's face
Banged knees
drawn blood
and even got a splinter in my butt
Been spat on
Slapped, pushed, punched and kicked
Once dropped by a vicious testicle jab
from aforementioned Mr. Howar

I have
lost my voice too many times to count
Forgotten, flubbed and butchered books of lines
Cracked, Splatted, Skwonked and Screeched
a score of notes
Inhaled the dust motes, mold the grit and grime
from house to house to house
Sang in perfume and lingerie departments
Sang outside in snow and rain
for breakfasts, lunches, dinners
where no one listens but jabbers and shoves
food down their gullets
while we a mere quartet sing HANDEL'S MESSIAH
at the top of our lungs

Once, swear to God
Hired as Christmas Carolers
for a Jewish party
"Do not mention Christmas or Christ,"
She said leading us into the elegant room of strangers
So, "Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel I made it out of clay!"
Then,
"Light the Menora Day by Day"
and then... and then...
Ah!
"City Sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in Holiday style
in the air there's a feeling of..."
Shit!
No!
So, "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel" for the next two hours
Till a lovely woman approaches
"Would you sing 'Silent Night?' I love that song"
Saved!

I have
Performed with kids, puppets and dogs
and seen two of the three piss on stage

One summer mobbed attempting to hand out fliers
at the Seattle Center on kid's day dressed as Tigger
"Let go Tigger's tail"
"T.I. double grrrr let go Tigger!"
"Please little boy let go of Tigger's tail."
"LET TIGGER'S FUCKING TAIL GO NOW!!!"

I have been too fat, too young, too old, too fit, too tall and too short

And these my favorite quotes
"In all his songs he left you wanting more.
He never seemed to bring the songs to their full emotional level."
Dwight Jenson, Phoenix

And this,
"all the charisma of a resentful detention study hall proctor."
Joe Adcock-Seattle PI

and my personal favorite
"Greg Stone plays a cypher-like Chris"
What's that mean?
Flip through Webster
Cypher- Zero
            - a person of no influence
            - a non entity
Nice!

I have missed
birthdays, weddings, anniversaries
my nephews baseball games, niece's school play
and almost every holiday

And coming home one year
The look on my wife's face
Hollow, sad and lost
I needn't open the manila envelope
stamped Clarke, Dinsdale LLP to know

So why?
Why go through the pain, loss, torture and fear?
So many different fears
The ridicule
backstabbing
brain cramming

Why drink gallons of Throat Coat tea
buckets of hot honey lemon water
and suck handfuls of Ricolas and Fisherman's Friends?

No more, chocolate, orange juice, mild and cheese
these phlegm factories

Cut back the smoking and the booze and save it all for one binge filled Monday
The Actor's Weekend!

Why spend my time on buses and planes
in cars that take me to my home
a Day's Inn Petri Dish in
Peoria, Muncie, Ft. Wayne and Saginaw?

Why?
WHY?

Why stand before the shadowy dark
clump of humanity and sing to the red and green exit signs?
The only points of reference in the dark chasm of audience land
and regurgitate memories of pain
only to have cell phones, cellophane wrapped candies,
sneezes, snorts, coughs and even snores ruin the moment

Why?
why?

To walk the cobblestones of Montreuil-sur-Mer
past nobble-men and whores
to taste the briny air
of change and revolution

Adorn a broad billed cowboy hat
with polished six gun on your hip
and sing the sunrise of an Oklahoma morn

To know the eyes of Judas
lost confused and frightened
yet filled with love
A love that will so soon betray

To dance and move with practiced precision
where all the world will join along
with kicks and leaps and joyful laughs and shouts

To be an awesome ass kicking fighter
Master swordsman
and expert shot

To kiss beautiful, vibrant women and fall in love 8 times a week

To release the pent up angst within and shape it into art

To sing
To sing
TO SING

To be lost in the world of make believe

To make thousands laugh
and thousands cry

To hold a dying girl in your arms
and know that she
and only she's your true love for all time
To see her tears
and feel her fragile breath slip away
like water through fingers

All of these
and more
and more
but mostly just because

It's who I am
It's what I do

RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION

I'd finished the matinee
Attended my karate instruction between shows
A street fighting course
I started to feel unwell
and realized
I was coming down with something
Feeling ill I approached Malin, my stage manager
"I'm not sure I can do it."
Meaning the night show
He looked at me and said, "We got you covered. Go home."
So I trudge my way back to Port Authority
Weary
Off
As I cross 45th I have a clear walk signal
So I walk and a taxi slams on its' brakes nearly hitting me
I'm like "Damn dude! I've got the right of way here!"
I'm filled with righteous indignation
So in a Dustin Hoffman moment I kick at his bumper with my boot
"I'm walking here!"
I barely tap it by the way
Just a flick of my boot
But I do touch his bumper
The door flies open and the cabby jumps out
I was not expecting this
But you know, It's New York
He comes running at me
Right in the middle of 8th and 45th
He comes
Well, I just came from Karate class
I drop in stance
Wait till he is in range
And strike
Heel palm
It's meant to be a stunning blow
Not really causing damage
But stunning
I have power
And it lands
Right on the cheek where it is intended
He staggers back
But then I get mad
And I want to hurt him
That's adrenaline
I step forward and
See a Times Square cop on the corner talking into his radio
I drop my hands take a breath and walk calmly over
Rapidly a half dozen officers come running to the scene
Apparently the Times Square rent-a-cop gave the wrong code over the system
He called the number for "Officer Down!"
They came at me hard and fast
It was scary but I stood there calmly
It was discovered that the light on 45th and 8th was broken
It was showing a clear walk signal to pedestrians and green to drivers
Intersecting
We were both filled with righteous indignation
And wrong
I tell my side of the story
The cab is sitting there mid-way through the cross-walk
Door wide open
The Sergeant looks me sternly in the eye and says,
"Apologize."
"I'm sorry," I say without hesitation
"Go home," he says.
"But he hit me!," says the cabby
"Go," says the cop
And I'm gone
I know how this sounds but without those cops
That guy would have been done
I would have hit him again
The second time would not have been a stunning blow
I was sure I was right
Turns out we both were
and wrong at the same time
This is a lesson
A Karate lesson
It's best to avoid confrontation
And righteous indignation serves no one

BREAKFAST CLUB

I had a tuxedo.
It was requirement for choir.
So when I got asked to go to a formal event in college by a nice girl.
"Yes, I'll go." was easy.
For the record most of these were really fun and pretty innocent.
Pictures were taken
Goofy awkward dancing happened.
That sort of thing.
I remember one event.
It was a formal.
They rented rooms in a Seattle hotel.
It was nice.
It was fun.
We had a good old fashioned 1990 party.
My date was a casual friend.
There was no romance but it was a good time.
We danced.
We drank.
Lots of laughter.
I wake up in a fancy hotel room with a bunch of people crashed all over the bed and floor.
There is a dude in a blue blazer sipping on a beer in a chair across the room.
"You want one?" he asks.
"Sure."
I'm still dressed in full tuxedo.
Though the flower is wilted on my jacket.
We have a couple beers when I realize I have an event I have to attend in 15 minutes.
There was a lesson on comportment at the Nordstrom on the Ave for...
The Mr. Greek Competition!
I get there but I'm late.
The only open seat is in the middle
Of the middle.
Smack dab in the middle.
So I slide along saying, " excuse me, excuse me." all the while till I reach the middle of the middle.
I reek and my corsage is a dead joke.
But I sit down to learn about comportment.
After about five minutes I start to feel unwell.
The room tilts a bit.
And I am forced to get up and excuse myself.
"Excuse me. Excuse me," I say shuffling my way out.
Missed the lesson on comportment.
Won the competition.

PROBLEM SOLVED

The moment after I was hired for the tour of Les Miserables I walked out of the audition room and right to a pay phone mounted on the wall.
This was before cell phones. Well, they existed but were the size of a brick and expensive as heck. So I drop some quarters into the phone and call the theater where I am hired to do a show in the summer. It's an equity gig though I'm non-union.
I did sign the contract.
In the audition room when I explained this to Richard he said, "Don't worry about it. They'll let you out for a Production Contract."
So I tell them, "I booked Les Mis. I can't do the show.," and didn't worry about it.
I went back home to Seattle and waited to hear when I was called to work.
Contracts were being drawn up.
But I still didn't have a firm starting date when my phone rang one day.
It was the director of the show in Seattle.
"You failed to give us two weeks notice in writing," he says.
"I called you six weeks ago!"
"You failed to give us notice in writing. It's a requirement in the Equity handbook."
"I'm not Equity," I say
"You signed an Equity contract. You owe us two weeks salary for breaking your contract."
I was broke.
Hadn't even seen my Les Miserables contract yet.
"I don't have a $1000 dollars! Wait, what is that money for?"
"It's to compensate for extra auditions," he responds dryly.
I happened to know who they hired.
It was a friend.
Bob.
I know they just went, "Well they were equally matched we'll go with Bob."
There were no extra auditions.
So I start to get mad.
This theater which was floundering was trying to squeeze a grand out of a 26 year old actor on a technicality.
It was gross.
I get angry.
Then a thought comes across my brain.
"You know," I say, "I haven't signed my Les Mis contract yet. I don't even know when's my starting day. Hmmmm what is the first day of rehearsal? I can make it. Is Bob under contract? Oh, then you'd have to pay both of us. I probably won't be able to make opening night but if I get that written notice to you by tomorrow we're good right?"
There is a LONG pause on the other end of the line.
"I don't think there is a need for that."
Problem solved!

LAURIE

We were playing Philadelphia
Rob was on vacation so I was bumped up to Jean Valjean
They hired a local star
She was amazing
But
She was dying
Cancer
She knew it
We all knew it
Laurie Beechman
Was astounding
After singing her death scene
I'd pick her up
Cradle her back to bed
It's a profound memory
Laying her down
Watching her die
While she was dying
She was beautiful
Frail
and
Powerful
She was
Fantine

THIS IS A STORY MY MOM TOLD ME TODAY

Jesus Christ Superstar, Village Theatre
1993
Mom, "I was proud seeing you up there."
"Not trying to brag or anything but I let it be known to the people sitting around me that YOU were my son."
"Playing Jesus"
"You lost twenty pounds to play that role!"
"Thirty," I say
"You were skin and bones. You could see your ribs," she says
"You were on the cross. The Crucifixion and you called out,
"WHO IS MY MOTHER? WHERE IS MY MOTHER?"
"And the ten year old sitting in front of me turns around points and says SHE'S RIGHT HERE!"

THE WALKMAN

I was working for Component Products
My Dad's machine shop
And going to college
Only a day here or there
The work was
Repetitive
Making the same part
Over
And over
And over again
But I could listen to my Walkman

In college I was taking three English courses
Ancient English
17th Century Poetry
And
The Victorian Novel
Let's just say
I was in over my head
Just a bit
So I made a tape of me reading 2 hours worth of poems
And that's what I listened to
On my Walkman
While I worked
Making the same part
Over
And over again
For weeks

She walks in beauty
Like the night
Of cloudless climes 
And starry skies

and

In the rooms the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

and

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds

and

Like gold to airy thinness beat

AND

Had we but world enough and time 
This coyness lady were no crime

I listened to them
Every time I worked
Two hours of poetry
Once or twice a week

I'm still struggling in class though
It's a lot
Completely skipped Middlemarch
Read the Cliff Notes
It is 904 pages long
So
Yeah

Ancient English
Learned a lot
Never would have taken it
But back then
You had to sign up for class
By phone
Starting at 7am
That didn't work for me
So I got the classes I got

But Ancient English
Was COOL
Really liked it but it was still hard
I was doing okay
Not great

FINAL DAY OF CLASS!


There is a Teacher's Assistant in charge
It's basically a do nothing day
All the work has been turned in
Tests taken
There is about 5 minutes of class left

So the T.A. for this Ancient English class offers a challenge
"For every quote I give and you can name the poem I will give you 1/10th of a point to your final grade. And for every quote you give me that I can't name and YOU can and it's VERIFIED I will give you a tenth of a point."
It's meant to be a fun game
A sort of Jeopardy of poetry
I was STOKED
All those hours of listening
And we're off

"Dream of the Rood!"
I answer

"Sir Gawain and the Green Knight."
I answer

"Beowulf"
I answer

Then I rip out a slew of quotes
from
John Donne
Ben Johnson
Shakespeare
TS Eliot
Lord Byron

Let's just say
I scored a lot of points that day
Ended up with a pretty decent grade

Showstopper

The Pirate Queen
Broadway
2007
Previews
Hilton Theater
Full audience
Show was written by the guys who did Les Mis and Saigon
I was a pirate
One scene early in the show
HERE ON THIS NIGHT
Hadley Frazier and Stephanie Block
Sang this beautiful duet
I was suspended above the stage
On the ship's spar
15 feet up
I don't like heights
Never have
But it was a special place to watch and hear this gorgeous duet
At the end of the song a battle with the English erupted
We would repel
From the spar
Pull our swords
And start our fight choreography
I can repel
Blades...I'm cool
But this day
I jump off the spar
Repel
Looking down the whole while
And my long pirate wig
Gets caught in the gear
Stopping me about 8 inches from the ground
I can't release myself
But I'm close to a cannon
Kick my legs
Stretch out for the cannon
My toe touches it
And then I swing away
Swords and battle are happening all around
I'm kicking my feet
Reaching desperately for that cannon
HOLD!
HOLD!
Blasts over the speakers
The stage
Empties
And I'm there swinging alone
2 crew guys come out
One grabs me
Suddenly my head feels cool
The other crew guy removed my wig
Revealing my wig cap and pin curls
The audience
Laughs
I'm super embarrassed
After a few minutes we restart the fight sequence
Large applause
Guess I can always say
For one day I was a showstopper on Broadway

McDonalds

On my 16th birthday my Mom took me to McDonalds

It was my request

Big fan of the quarter pounder

We're sitting there

I'm eating my fries

And she says, "You know you're sixteen now you need to get a job."

Didn't really see that coming

I was pretty busy with jazz band and swim team

But I knew she meant it

My folks got me a car

I needed to pay for gas and insurance

Okay, I thought and walked up to the counter

"Can I get a job application?"

"One moment"

A woman approaches

"Fill this out. Are you available for an interview in 10 minutes?"

I was

I got hired right there on my sixteen birthday

I thought I would work at the register

Nope 

Cook

Not sure how it works at McDonalds today

But in 1984 we actually cooked the food

On grills

In grease

They had a good system with timers to tell you when to flip the burgers

They had temperatures that were set

We had to learn all that but it was tight

Except

That those of us in the kitchen had to estimate how much to make

You'd make the cheeseburger

Slide it down the bin

Slide a number behind it

which was ten minutes from the round clock on the wall

12:58

You pick up an 8 and slide it behind the burgers

10 minutes

If it didn't sell in that time it went into a bin

To throw away

It was counted at the end of the night

It was registered

Within about 8 months

I start getting put in charge 

Calling The Shots

I'm not even 17 years old

"Put down 12, 3 quarters, 2 filet of fish, 3 McChicken. NUGGETS! WE NEED NUGGETS!"

The fry guy was in charge of his station

I liked it though

There was pressure

There was work

But it did feel good as a young person to have some authority in life

What didn't feel good was sometimes getting home around 2am

Closing

Jazz band was at 6:30am

I was making $3.35 an hour

Working for gas

At that time that's about 4 gallons an hour

Not bad

Hard work though

But I DID have fun

TWO STORIES

One time a guy came in and asked for extra extra extra pickles

I took it as a challenge

I spent time layering pickle after pickle

It was the biggest pickle burger you've ever seen

I sent it down the slide

"PICKLE BURGER!"

Off it goes

A few minutes later the guy comes back

"That's the best burger I've ever eaten."

Another time a customer orders

"Filet o Fish, extra Tartar."

Well this is a little tricky

The tarter is shot from a gun

I'm not joking

You squeeze the gun

And it distributes the perfect amount

According to Ray Croc

And that makes it easy for a 17 year old chef

So, I do the first squeeze

Then a bit of the second

Just a bit

It's already a lot of tartar

A lot

Customer comes back

"I said extra tartar"

A new filet o fish come out of the oil

And I drown it

It worked for pickle guy

I can barely close the Styrofoam container

Customer is irate

"Is this some sort of joke??!!!!"

Win some you lose some