Friday, January 31, 2020

THE UNFORTUNATE ADVENTURE OF BEAR AND THE FRUIT OF THE LOOMS

HOUSTON
2007
Whistle Down The Wind

It had been maybe 8 years since being on tour
It was fun getting to hang out with people
Make new friends after rehearsal
One of the things about being on tour
is most times you're in the same hotel
Feels a little bit like living in the dorms in college
This first stop on tour
We were in a nice hotel
Open atrium design
with trees in the middle
You could see the lobby and most the rooms from the hallway
Here's the thing
Sometimes
I sleepwalk
Not frequently
But enough that he has a name
Bear
Not a scary bear
Think, more like Winnie the Pooh
He can climb stairs
Do some mundane tasks
He might take a bite out of the cheddar cheese
or
Leave an open peanut butter jar on the counter
Bear is fond of peanut butter
Though not fully conscious Bear gets around fairly well
Especially if he knows his environment
It's happened since I was a kid
This first night in Houston
Bear rolls out of bed
Starts to wander
In this new hotel room
Instead of finding something yummy to eat
Bear finds himself
in a brightly lit hallway
Confused
Behind him he hears a loud
KTHUNK
The door has closed
He turns to open the door
But it won't open
He tries and tries and tries but it WON'T OPEN!
It's LOCKED
Bear takes this as his cue to dissipate
Disappear as it were
Whereupon I awaken
Standing under harsh lights in
TIGHTY WHITEYS
Locked out of my room
In the hallway of a fancy open atrium hotel
Actually, NOT so TIGHTY WHITEY but more like Droopy, Fruit of the Looms
SHIT
Looking around panicked I find USA TODAY at my feet
Pick it up and cover myself, looking right and left
Someone wearing a hotel uniform approaches
"Help" I whimper
It's probably good that Bear wears DROOPY LOOMYS
If he wore the t-shirt and no bottoms of Winnie the Pooh
Might have ended up in jail


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