Large Marge

The last bus to Bloomfield, NJ was a Decamp 33
It left promptly
at 12:45 AM
If you're not on the last bus
You don't go home
Not in 2002
Chelsea and I were out
Down in the meat packing district
Hogs and Heifers
I look at my watch
It's 12:20
Uh oh
We pay the bill
Bolt out of the place
Looking for a cab
But we don't see any
Streets are dark
Mostly deserted
We run over to another street
See a pair of headlights
It's a cab
It's empty
Thank the Lord!
We jump in
And I notice the strangest thing
The driver is an old woman
White woman
Never seen that before
"We gotta get to Port Authority by 12:40! Our bus leaves at 12:45 and it's on the 4th floor!"
"I think you should take West Side Highway," I say
She looks in the mirror and says,
"I'll get you there. But we're going my way."
And proceeds to pull a bottle of Jack Daniels from under her seat
Takes a long pull
And punches the accelerator
She cuts through alleys
Drives on streets I didn't know existed
And with screeching brakes we're there
We make it onto the bus just as the doors close
Large Marge is real y'all